Feminist: Not with a Capital F but capital FEMINIST

Last night I lost my first friend due to being a FEMINIST, and yet i feel no remorse or saddnes or the littlest bit of disdain. Since my return from the Young Women Botswana Feminism Leadership Course I am terribly intolerant of any form of misogyny, sexism, racism or even homophobia in my personal space. Something I find extremely funny because on the second last day I told a girl she would lose friends now as a self proclaimed feminist. I told her her world had changed. I was so unawares that despite identifying as a feminist since the first time the word was spat at me this course had changed me. I thought I had long ago reached the peak of being a feminist. That I was at the highest level of understanding. That I understood what needed to be done but I had no idea that this course would make me face patriarchy without fear. I did not even know I had ever been afraid till last night.

When I applied to the Young Women Botswana Feminism Leadership Course I was confident I would get in, I immediately began making arrangements to make sure that the 9 day program in Francistown would not inconvenience my school work or projects. I was excited because I thought the course would prepare me to lead my team. But it changed so much. Firstly I felt a bit proud to find out I had been accepted out of over 90 nation wide applications, I felt both honored and a bit intimidated when I found out that the 25 or so other participants had real cvs while I was going on "I am a feminist cause I was born this way" vibes. 

The one thing I hated about the trip from the moment I applied till the moment I arrived back home was that I would be leaving my family, my free wi-fi, my airconditioned home, and most importantly my personal space for a whole 11 days. It was terrible for me to have to have a roommate. The sad part is my roommate is actually such an amazingly nice person to live with, unfortunately I am not. I've always had my own room so to fall asleep with someone else in the room was difficult for me, so I spent a lot of late nights in the garden. To write poetry or work while someone is in the room also extremely difficult so I got no writing done in 11 days. I also got sick at one point and having to buy medication I had at home was just terrible. Also I got fucken bit by bed bugs in case you wanna stay at Tati River Lodge. But the staff took care of me when I was sick so my scars and I forgive them.

activities

mentally emotionally and physicalle exhausted

But francistown was an amazing experience. The 9 day course was extensive and intensive. We covered entire modules in one day, with multiple activities and large content. On some days I wanted to nap more than anything but it didn't happen. It was like nap rehab. But they weren't just extensive academically, they were emotionally exhausting modules and on one particular day I found myself calling my best friend crying while wishing his white t shirts were available to ruin with my mascara. In fact by the fourth day he could hear I wanted to come home. 

But I didn't really, there was too much knowledge to consume, too many brains to pick, too many women to love and lil zero and I did love them. I felt like this was a place i belonged, not francistown, not that hotel, not with those women but within the African feminist movement. I got to learn from some of Africa's greatest feminist contributors. I mean I met Doo Aphane (Google Her) who is probably King Mswati's least favorite woman, Maude Dikobe (Google Her) a lover of African diaspora and african literature who gave me receipts to pre colonial references of feminists. I also met Isabella aka Bella (Google Her) who produces at least 80% of all the food she eats a goal I have. I also met Elsie Alexander (Google Her) who is actually my best friend Brett Pearmain's grand aunt and a woman in politics. Got fascilitated by Alice Kanengoni (Google Her) who innitiated the gender department in OSISA. Irene Ramatala (Google Her) an activist for arts and culture in botswana who also recognized me as the daughter of Alla Moyo and put my mother on the movement in Botswana wall as one of the feminists who have made a difference. 

A few of the fascilitators were also age mates if I could say... they included Lorato Mpelega, Portia Loeto and Lillian Moremi who I had already met in Young Women Rising as well as Mandipa Machacha who I might possibly wanna be when I grow up. Her or Doo I think. It's impossible to ever be able to put this entire trip and the effect it has had on my life into words. The only thing I guess is for me to show you. It's a monday today but this should have been last week's #feministfriday post so here you go...

Also because she might kill me if she doesn't get props. Thank you to the beautiful Analyn for continuing to bother me about putting this up. You can totally be my woman crush this Wednesday.

Also another thank you to both TAWLA and OSISA for giving me the opportunity to meet the beautiful sisters I shared my space with in Francistown. You are all such amazing women in your own right. 

Signing out, 

FEMINIST also known as Tshepo Jamillah Moyo. 

A poet, writer, and Super Hero. 

A sister in the Movement.

XOXO

Me and Gender rights pioneer swaziland's Doo Aphane

Why White America has ruined White Men for me.

There is a white American marine texting me right now. He calls it flirting and would like to take me on a date. It’s cute, Shems. He is currently in my country for some service with the United States Embassy and how I met him is really such an awkward story I’d rather not share.

Now despite this young man having all the qualifications I usually have for men whose advances I bother to entertain he is failing miserably. Unfortunately I’m sorry to say it’s because he is white. I've never had an interest in a white man so I thought, hey maybe I’m just not that into him. But now I’m absolutely sure it has everything to do with him being a white man.

How might I know this? Every time he says I am gorgeous I see porn title flashing through my mind, “Ebony slut hungry for some white dick”, “Black maid seduces white boss”, “explorer gets jungle fever”... Basically I see myself being made into a fetish. Like when Justin Beiber *cringes* cheated on Selena Gomez with a certain African American model and White America’s headline punch line was “Justin Beiber Cheats with Black girl”. Basically would I become “the first black girl I dated” or “Oh but I date black girls”? Then I wonder if his friends made jokes about him enjoying some African pussy while down here. I also wonder if I’m on a 20 things to do before I am 30 list. “Go to Africa and bang African girls.”

Am I over thinking this? Yes? No? Maybe? Have I watched too many Tyler Perry (I didn’t know better) movies? Or have I been on the Zimmerman hashtag too long? Because I want to Google where he is from and check how many black boys have been shot in that neighborhood and how their courts dealt with it.

It doesn’t go just that far, the worst for me is whether he’ll use pictures of us to justify why as a white male who dates black women he does not fall into the category of racists that support Zimmerman’s murdering a 17 year old black child. 

Is he aware that he has white privilege? And that in my city when we go out girls will snicker that I’m seeing him for his bank account. Despite him probably making not much more than me (that’s a lie I’m a student and journalist, my bank account doesn't know what money is) but white is synonymous with rich in Africa.

I also wonder if on our first date he’ll ask to touch my hair now that it’s out of its braids. I wonder how I will feel about him touching it even if he was trying to be innocently cute in getting it out of my face. I also find myself wanting to ask him how he feels about the fact that the United States system is designed to keep the poor  just that, poor, and that well the poorest were black. 

But I’m not sure how he’ll react and if my opinions might tantamount to hate speech therefore landing me in Guantanamo bay being force fed Monsato GMOs. After all he is a marine, he might be patriotic and ready to die for his country and stuff and I’m just here a 19 year old black girl trying to get her driver’s licence. So maybe despite it eventually coming from him being a white American male, it might also simply be that I cannot be with someone that I cannot be comfortable voicing my opinion to. 

Guest Writer: Lydia Kasese; Decisions

It seems this Guest Writer thing might become a monthly show. August's guest writer is a Miss Lydia Kasese. You should know I like her. Very much. so here you go... (UnEdited)

GUEST WRITER; LYDIA KASESE'S DECISION

Today, I decided I will not get into a relationship until I get my first degree. My friends' reaction to this over lunch was, “can I take note of this so I can remind you next week when you decide to start dating?”, we laughed about it and spoke about all the other things we had said we would not do but ended up doing the following week.

Just to put it out there I am not doing this because I want to focus on my academics and boys will be a major distraction because I am a firm believer in fun. I came to this conclusion because it dawned on me that I am worth so much more than what guys at this university are willing to offer. I'm worth more than sweaty nights gyrating on guys dicks in a club, sneaking into their residents late at night and sneaking out at 5am so their friends wont know that i'm the “hoe” he hooked up with. I am worth so much more than being a side-chick to a “boy” I know wont ever learn to love me right but because I am lonely I will stick with him. And I call them “boys” because men are so scarce nowadays, but its not just the boys, decent girls are even more scarce.

If I come off sounding bitter then you caught me. I'm not bitter from my own experiences, but because I have seen girls degrade themselves to a door mat and let boys wipe their dirty feet all over their hearts. I have seen girls trade their self dignity for the sake of not being lonely. I have seen girls trade their name for the title “bitch” just so they could be popular amongst the guys. Heck my friends have bent over backwards , leaned over side ways and cried and begged for a boy that threw away what they thought was “love”.


In all honesty, I do not know much about love. I thought I was in love once but turns out I wasn't. My best friend told me “you will know you are in love when you are willing to die for someone”. I have never loved anyone to be willing to give my life for them, my family yes, but not anyone else. But that is not the point. The point is, I do not know much about love but I have an idea of what it should be like. I think love should be like stripping off your clothes and standing in front of an audience you do not know knowing they will see your imperfections but knowing that they will love your imperfect bits anyway. Love should feel like those moments after the honey-moon phase when you find out that I snore like a pig but you still love me for that. Love should be you not being able to sleep because you went a whole day without talking to me.

This kind of love is hard to find in a place where everyone comes to shag and have the “time of their lives”. You cant find it in a place where boys are driven by peer pressure into seeing how many girls they can date at one time without being caught. You cant get this in a place where talk of commitment is as rare as virgins. True, there may be exceptions out there. There maybe boys out there that are willing to settle down and want something more than a quick shag, but lets be realistic how many of these guys are there? Five? Fifteen? And how many of these already have girls? Three quarters of them? All of them?  I don't know, I really don't know.

Let us be realistic ladies. We all know that boys dream of coming to varsity not for a degree but for all the “babes” that the Hollywood has painted exist. Boys are coming to varsity to have the time of their lives, get high and get laid. Getting committed to you is probably the last thing on his mind. But then again I do not know much about boys and relationships either so I will leave it at that. But this is my decision and my choice, who knows, I may change my mind about this decision next week, 2 months from now or even right before I get my degree. I really dont know, i'm human and my head has the tendency to deceive me sometimes. Who knows I just may come across a guy who actually wants to settle and “make love” once in a while and not just shag. I may even find a guy who loves spending time with me not because he knows there's sex coming his way but because being with me makes him happy. Until then, this is me riding solo, piloting my own plane and enjoying the view from above.

BIO;

My name is Lydia Kasese. I'm a student at Rhodes University. I dabble in poetry, I love the arts and music. I love reading, writing. I'm open minded about a lot of things and still unsure about a lot more. I'm not sure of who I am yet but i'm absorbing what society and the media has to offer me and picking out what I find fit in creating myself as a woman. Feel free to follow me on twitter @Ms_Lilly_Py or on my email address nykasese@yahoo.com