A War is Coming *warning graphic images will follow*

TOO MANY WOMEN DOWN

I read another angry blog today. This One is by a pretty black South African lesbian woman who lives in Johannesburg and writes poetry. She is angry about a number of things, white privilege, the ANC, lesbians and homosexual stereotype, and the common women battles. She is so angry; she uses vulgar language when she passionately rants on twitter. You know what, it’s scary. I’m not out here to judge her being angry. I don’t even care that she is black lesbian and an activist. I don’t know her. I have no title deed to be able to say anything about her. But it sure scares me that she isn't the only Angry woman out there. Blog posts by so many young ladies are talking about the anger and how they're affected by it, from SiyandaWrites to That Cracked Black.  It is even scarier that they have every reason to be. They're also tiring of writing about it. 

FREE SELF DEFENSE CLASSES IN INDIA

IT BEGINS HERE.

Statistics show an increase in rape. It’s being recorded and sent around as porn in South African high schools., it’s being used to teach women lessons, as weapons in war, or for the fuck of it and the sad part is whole town’s are covering it up. I’m in tears as I type this because we’re losing the battle. I don’t know why I was sitting here thinking that if I sit on my lap top and I type about these things somewhere somehow I would save the world. I’m crying real tears because despite spending the morning reading tweets about how perpetrators should alone be left with responsibility of their actions; I’m sitting here thinking I’m not doing enough. I’m sitting here thinking how unfair it is that I grew up in a home were my father is a good man and my mother is treated like a goddess while majority of my friend’s have sad childhood memories, missing fathers or battered mothers. I’m not angry anymore. I’m sad and scared.

I’m sad because every time I walk down the street and a man whistles and hollers I say hi because I’m scared he might consider me rude and decide to rape me because of it. But then again he might rape me because my “Hi” was flirtatious. Well, he might also just do it for the fucks of it. Literally.  But I’m also scared that it might be one of my friends on a night out, when I've had a few too many so I’m quitting drinking this year. But then it could be a cousin. You know what I feel like right now? My friend recently became a father to a very pretty little girl, when he told me it was a girl my heart sunk. I got sad because that is one more burden for me. That saddens me. Because I love being a woman but I’m still feeling like the moment I was born and I had a vagina. Well I was screwed.

IT IS COMING TO AN END

But women are getting angry. They’re getting angry and they are mobilizing the troops. There is a storm brewing, there is a war coming world. It is going to be messy. They won’t fight with their muscle like you men do. They won’t use brutal force. They will use your seeds. They will take your daughters and they will teach them to hate men. They will take your sons and teach them to hate themselves. We've seen the race wars, the tribal wars, civil wars; tell me how will we survive when the women rise to the goddesses they are? How will you protect yourself from your mother? Will you kill them all? Will you beat them into submission? There is a war coming and I fear the future generations that will be born in its times. How will man and woman survive without one another?

ABOUT CROP TOPS, MINI SKIRTS, LOW RISE JEANS, IMMORAL DRESS AND SWAZILAND

I was going to write an article on Swaziland's recent decision to enforce the 1889 law that bans "immoral dressing". But I figure if you've read SLUT WALKS and you know how I feel about women being told how to dress. But I feel it is my duty to share with you a certain young lady I love and adore's article on it. I was going to ask her to write something on it as soon as I came back from my holiday because she is actually from Swaziland  well, half way. But anyway, she beat me to the punch because she doesn't holiday, and here is a link to my soul mate Siyanda Mohutsiwa blog SiyandaWrites.

About The Author

Siyanda is a 19-year-old BSc undergraduate studying Mathematics/Statistics at the University of Botswana. She lives for mathematics, literature and laughing loudly at her own jokes. She has a particularly inexplicable passion for feminism, pan-Africanism and a growing interest in the socio-economic landscape of her country. She also has a border-line psychopathic love for dead African heroes. She refuses to reveal more on that issue.

Her sometimes indiscernible cries to her imaginary audience can be found on Twitter (@siyandawrites). If you happen to be in the country you can find her articles in the award-winning Sunday Standard’s The Telegraph. If you aren’t, a quick browse through the Sunday Standard website will land you in her articles.

Email siyandawrites@gmail.com for inquiries regarding freelance writing and editing.

P.S I am glad I don't live in a country that subjects me to so much. They're still too many women out there in such situations. allow me to say it but too many of our women down in the field. But at least i know a lot of women whose skill and passion is strong enough to pull the rest out. My Christmas wish is that more of them are born and none of them are afraid to fight the war. 

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

The title of this post is the title of a newspaper I read this morning. One I’m typing this sitting next to, distraught. I haven’t had anything to say for months, which is rare because I always have something to say, so perhaps I should say I had nothing worth listening to. But I've been caught up in my own world for a bit now so I again apologize. I however find my heart in turmoil and somber moods this morning, and felt a need to share with you why. In case you have not picked up this week’s, The Midweek Sun you probably should. This week’s headline “Beauty and the beast”a story that describes how, Thabo Masilo a 21 year old Botho College student raped, robbed and murdered 17 year old Tshepang Motlhabane. I have a lot of things to say, but my hearts to heavy to say all of them.

I’m not writing this so I can call Thabo names or call him possessed by demons, or ugly, or a beast because truth is so many women get raped, robbed and murdered so often you’re more likely as a woman to get raped than graduate school in some countries. I’m writing this because of some of the things I read in the article that raised flags for me. I’m not looking for someone to blame, I’m just highlighting what went through my head as i read this article, which for lack of better information is my only source of light as to what happened in that sad home on that day.

“The stranger was 21 year old Thabo Masilo, a botho collage student. It later turned out the assailant is a serial thief and rapist on the police wanted list.”_The Midweek Sun I don’t understand. So we know where this boy goes to school, he has been on a wanted list and they still couldn't find him? We have a population of about 2 million. In the whole country, how is it not possible to find these people on “the wanted list”? How? The police have a show on BTV, have you seen the wanted list? I want to see it. So I can know. So I can put it up on this blog and you guys can call them when you see these guys walk down a street. Because you see them, you walk past them every day. That is an extremely scary thought. That I probably walked past this guy a billion times in game city, maybe he even hit on me since Botho College boys are always hitting on me in Game City.

Then the MP Ntuane’s radical statements on how the security guards should have allowed the people to assault the criminal. I don’t know man, you’re going to solve the crime in your constituency by encouraging a different crime? Like really that’s your plan? Instead of commending the security guards for responding immediately and not allowing the perpetrator to escape while they waited for the police, you’re going to ridicule them. Call out the police for not being first on the scene.

“He told us he came under the pretense of inquiring about a servant’s quarters to rent. Then he asked for water to drink at which point he followed the girl inside the house, locked it, and proceeded to rape, rob and stab her repeatedly”_ mother (The Midweek Sun)

I live in a village on the outskirts of Gaborone. Villages are quite, wholesome, one big family, but my neighbors will all tell you I do not open my gate for anyone. I stand inside, you stand outside we communicate through a wall. It’s a simple safety and security thing. Something we take for granted. I've therefore put together a list of simple things to do to ensure your safety as a woman. Maybe not ensure but improve your safety..

GOING OUT

• ·         Turn down drinks bought and poured when you’re not present, for the simple reason that they’re more likely to be spiked. This applies to both alcoholic and none. Roofies knows no boundaries.
• ·         Random rides home? Cabs are not the safest. But they’re safer than a random person you met in the club after a couple of drinks. Opt for cabs with home offices or centers like smiley cabs, hello cabs etc. As compared to the individual cabby.
• ·         The buddy system. Try to share cabs with your friends rather than each taking their own cab or ride home. That way you can make sure you’re safe.
• ·         Also watch your friends and who they’re with, the assumption is they’re doing the same for you. Culprits are intimidated by a lurking friend that will not be separated from her friend. They’re less likely to act if a pack of females sticks together.
• ·         If you’re drinking. Drink responsibly. Blacking out in a car, floor, bathroom is not sexy neither is it safe.
• ·         Opt to take cycles being the “designated driver” even if no one is actually driving. It makes sense to have at least one of you sober enough to be the brain of the group.

AT HOME

• ·         Follow your instincts. You are not obliged to open a door for any one you do not know. Neither are you obliged to even answer a door. Even if it’s the police. ( I ignore them at my gate all the time)
• ·         If you are home alone, do not disclose this information. Try to give the impression that someone is in the house with you. Call out a random name or something if you feel uncomfortable with someone inquiring.
• ·         Double check locked doors as well as locked gates and closed windows.
• ·         Refrain from watching TV or listening to music at high volumes as this impairs your capability to hear what is going on outside. That does not mean go outside if you hear something.

WHEN DRIVING

• ·         Keep your handbag, laptop bag other valuables in the boot of the car or in a place they cannot be seen.
• ·         Have your windows installed with a shatter proof film, it can both protect you from the sun as well as impair someone’s view of what’s in the car. It can prevent injury if your window is smashed in a smash and grab.
• ·         Do not pick up hitch hikers, stop for break downs, etc
• ·         Make sure your car has good maintenance to avoid having a break down in a dangerous place.
• ·         Learn how to change tyres. A flat tyre can be changed within 45 minutes, less of a security risk than waiting for 2 hours for your knight in shining armor to come save you.
• ·         Avoid back roads and unlit roads after dark.

Other tips

• ·         Avoid elevators. No building in Botswana is that high you cannot take the stairs. You do not want to be stuck in an elevator with a person that scares you.
• ·         Heels make for very good weapons; if you find yourself in a bad situation use them.

If there are anymore tips you’d like to add. Do post them in the comments box. J

My condolences to the family of that young girl and may her soul rest in peace.

Slut Walks

I picked up on this topic a little too late, perhaps a lot too late. But I however felt the need to inform you guys, or rather discuss the wave of Slut Walks that hit Canada and other countries in the beginning of 2011 (told you I was late). So what are slut walks? I’m absolutely sure that the African media just did not give this enough coverage for all of you to be aware of it.  And I am an African blogger.

The Slut Walks started in Canada. They are a protest against the legal system, as well as society’s concept of what a proper lady should be. They consist of women all over the world taking to the streets dressed as sluts. The protest was triggered when a detective (not even a rapist) defended a rapists saying that some women were dressed as sluts so he was not surprised that they were raped. This wasn’t a private statement. This was public at a press conference.

Let’s start with the concept of the word Slut. It’s a dirty word isn’t it, nasty. I’m certain it tastes bitter in your mouth. The word slut belongs amongst the other derogatory words used to describe a woman. I googled the word slut: a woman who is promiscuous, a person who lacks ability to exercise sexual restraint, a saucy girl (really?), a prostitute, a girl that is provocative in her dressing and behaviour. The list is endless. The saucy one really surprised me though. Personally I’m very conservative. I flinch a bit when I see butt cracks, or cleavages or thighs.  My friends are annoyed by my obsessive need to cover up their bras, or pull up their pants. But I wouldn’t call them sluts. I wouldn’t call any woman dressed provocatively a slut.

For a man to rape a woman, then stand in court and have his lawyer argue that she was dressed as a “slut”, absolutely disgusts me. Really? She wore a short skirt so you raped her? You shoved her in a bush, stripped her naked, and raped her. You didn’t care that she cried and screamed and kicked. You just raped her. You took her gift and made it yours, stole her right to pick when and how. And then you stand there and call her a slut. Such men are pathetic. They really are, but even more pathetic is the “justice” system that allows these men to use that ridiculous excuse.  

I was going to give you facts. I was going to write to inform. This blog post was me telling a story. It was supposed to be me evaluating the effects that the slut walks have on the systems, on women. But I can’t. I’m too emotional a creature for that. I got angry as I did my research I got upset. So I can’t be objective. I would ask you to forgive me but the reason you read my blog is because I’m opinionated and emotional. So I have to call out the men that abuse and rape women. I have to tell you guys that they are not men they are creatures. But they are not the danger to our society. They aren’t. Not even in the tiniest bit. The danger to our society is the men and women who are friends with these creatures. The ones that do nothing; that defends them like that detective in Canada. Or even me.

Me? Yes even I have played a role in women abuse. I have a story to tell you guys. About a boy, I don’t know if I can say names or the whole truth. I want to. I want to post his picture here so I can protect all the girls in Botswana from him. But it would be termed cyber bullying or defamation of character. Anyway, back to my story. I know a boy who hits girls. He hits his girlfriends. I don’t associate with him. I cut all ties with him when I realised how abusive he is. But I did the worst thing after that. I kept quiet. Even when one of my friends started dating him I kept quiet. I thought she would think I was bitter. Like most girls in Botswana would. But that is no excuse I kept quiet and he abused her for 11months, almost a year. I knew nothing about it then of course.

Silence is the death of all women out there. Saying something to my friend wouldn’t have put him in jail but it would have saved her 11months of pain. That is what speaking out is about. His friends know he is abusive. They say nothing, they laugh when he cracks jokes about “disciplining women”. They are cowards when he is pulling her by her hair outside BnB. People like this are what is wrong with our society. People like me, who blog about him without saying his name cause they are scared of petty laws. We are the problem here because we have the power to stop these monsters. Yet we stand on the side lines and say “she was dressed like a slut.” Or “she aggravated him”. Or even worse we say nothing at all. We give them power. We supply the victims.

So I beg you don’t stay silent. Warn your friends. Defend them. Don’t be a coward like me. Because it sucks to hear your friend’s horror stories and know you could have saved them. You can’t help the monsters but you can help the victims, by saying something. So thank you to the women who participated in the slut walks and said something.

In the words of Mam’Ruby of generations, “you could be naked, and no man has the right to touch you”.